What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
