can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were trust falling into bushes
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
