We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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