Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
