I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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