Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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