"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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