Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
