The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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