My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
