it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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