got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How external is "for external use only"?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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