yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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