There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
