well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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