I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
should my penis look like a turkey
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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