My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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