Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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