and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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