i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
