I think im going to throw up on grandma
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
