Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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