He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
