You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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