I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
