the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The beer is more important than you right now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
