he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
