he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
