I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
