Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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