I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
