i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
