Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
