Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
