Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
