Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
