Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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