yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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