I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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