i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
