He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
