There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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