Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize