that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
