i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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