so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
