It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
