I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
