So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
