drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
