Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
