It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
