That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Less talking, more tequila
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
