So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
