Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
