So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
