Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hate your face
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
