I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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