i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
