So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I will be naked everywhere
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
