I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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